Beware this post is very long!!
Let me preface this by saying, we are amazed each and everyday of how God worked through this whole experience. I can honestly say that I am not much of a planner, but I had a romantic idea of how this pregnancy would go. First trimester I would have a little bit of morning sickness, second trimester we would go on our last vacation just the two of us, and third trimester we would prepare Kyndall's room for her anticipated arrival all while I was still working. Needless to say I don't think any of that actually happened! So here's the story of God's amazing love for us:
As I said in a previous post, Dustin and I knew we wanted children but weren't sure how my body would respond. So when we found out we were pregnant we were shocked. To be exact I told the dr. no when he said that we were expecting! We kind of walked around in a daze but told 2 of my best friends trying to get it to sink in. The Monday after the blood test confirming the pregnancy, I called my OB. He was no longer delivering but his partner was. So I was transferred to his nurse practitioner. I had so many questions about this pregnancy especially with my health. So I started asking the NP and she was so cold and rude. I don't remember all that she said, just that when I got off the phone I was crying and scared to death. I called a friend of ours that is a nurse with the high risk OB and she referred us to who is now my OB. His office was so nice and understanding as well as the dr. He assured us that my health was not a question and this should be a "normal pregnancy". We left on cloud 9 calling all of our friends and family to confirm the news. By some misunderstanding we ended up getting into the high risk dr. a couple of months early, which ended up being a blessing.
The first trimester was easy. I had no morning sickness and just some fatigue. In fact we were able to go on a planned cruise in Jan with no problems. The second trimester started out fine until I got some stomach bug that was going around. This probably would have happened even if I hadn't been pregnant. I got over that and then a couple of weeks later got it again. The first time I was out a week and the second time out two weeks. At some point during this I had started having a lot of swelling in my hands and by the second time I had actually blacked out. I told both the OB and high risk and they began monitoring. Dustin and I went to a routine appt. at the high risk dr. and told the ultrasound tech about the problems I was having plus the ultrasound showed some abnormality. They decided to run some tests and told me that I needed to just stay home until we heard the results. So we waited. When we finally got the results back, our friend called and told me that I was done working. They put me on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I was around 25-26 weeks pregnant and showing signs of preeclampsia/toxemia, which was way early. So I began the 3 weeks at home looking forward to the dr. appts just to get out of the house. The high risk dr. began monitoring us twice a week. The day I got put in the hospital was out of the norm. We usually went to the dr. in the morning, but that morning we went to meet the pediatrician for the first time. Then we went to the high risk dr. that afternoon. While I was being monitored they had run a test to check the protein in my urine. I remember just hanging out on the monitor when the dr. came in and said they were sending me to the hospital to be monitored for 24 hours. I was like okay I can do this, but on the other hand I was only 29 weeks. They went ahead and gave me a round of steroid shots to help Kyndall's lungs develop.
We got to the hospital and went straight to the antepartum floor, our home away from home for the next couple of weeks. The nurse got me all settled in and began monitoring/testing. Later that day my OB came in and asked why I was there that my labs weren't that bad. So the next day comes and I am fully expecting to go home. Well not the case at all. My labs had doubled and my OB informed me that I would not be going anywhere for a couple of days. I was admitted on a Tuesday and maybe I could go home on Friday. Well Friday came and sure enough those stupid labs had sky rocketed. So we got comfortable and even moved to a bigger room.
The week that our baby shower was planned was full of ups and downs. At first the drs. had said I could go on pass and attend the shower as planned. By midweek, I was doing worse and the drs. were keeping close eye on me for fear of having a seizure. The baby shower was moved to the hospital for that Sat. Sat. morning I woke up all excited and got ready. Right before we were to head downstairs via wheelchair the dr. on call came to the room and informed us that he was ordering an ultrasound immediately. No good...I would be late to the baby shower. So we have the ultrasound done to make sure that Kyndall was breathing and moving like she was supposed to. We were in there forever cuz little miss decided to be a little difficult. But everything ended up being okay and I was able to go to the shower granted I was an hour late (first sign of little miss proving that she would do what she wanted). The shower was amazing and I have never felt so loved by all of the outpouring of love that was shown. After the shower I was exhausted but felt good. The next day was father's day. Kyndall had a couple of times where she kept decelerating and my OB informed us that there was a possibility that he would take her that day.We were shocked. We knew the entire time that it could be anyday with how unstable I was, but this was the first of something being wrong with her. Later that day the dr. came in and said that it wouldn't be that day but there was a 50/50 chance that it would be tomorrow. So I told everyone that I was not having her the next day but she could wait since I was only 31 weeks and 4 days. Not what Kyndall had planned at all!
The day that she was born started off like all of the others had while I was in the hospital. Dustin got up, went to work, I ate breakfast, and my mom came to "babysit" me. A friend from high school and her mom came to see us. They put me on the monitor as they always did and I just laid there and talked. Out of nowhere 4 nurses ran into the room telling me to roll this was and that way. After a couple of tries of that one of the nurses called on the overcom for a gown, oxygen, and catheter. My nurse practitioner then came in and everything went down from there. I remember looking at my mom and telling her that she needed to call Dustin. I still don't remember when the friends left or how much they witnessed. There was a nurse at my head telling me that they were taking me to the OR and we were having the baby today. As they were wheeling me out of my room I asked one of my nurses how far along her babies were when they were born (29 weeks) and if they were okay (they were fine). The nurses then ran me down the hallway where a nurse was waiting for us with the elevator. When we got to the floor the anesthesiologist met me as I was coming off the elevator. He explained what was going to happen as we were still heading to the OR. Dustin was on his way at this time and I wasn't sure if he was going to make it. They got me on the table, did the spinal, and still no Dustin. I asked if he was going to be able to come in and the dr. assured me that he would. He made it just in time! He sat down at 10:40 and she was born at 10:45, a whole 30 minutes after the nurses first came into my room. I can honestly say the scariest part besides the possibility of something being wrong with her was seeing my high risk OB helping prep me (not a common thing for a surgeon!).
They pulled Kyndall out peeing everywhere and after suctioning her she screamed bloody murder. I have never been so happy to hear a baby cry in my life. She was 3lbs. 4.4oz and 15 inches long. I soon found out that her heart rate had dropped dangerously and she was not recovering which caused the emergency c-section. The dr. let me see Kyndall and then they took her. Dustin and my mom went with the Kyndall down to the NICU while they finished with me. After they left I felt completely deserted! It was just me and the drs. talking about their father's day and how I looked inside (yes I did just lay there and chat with them while they were stitching me up). My OB made the comment that he was glad that the high risk had admitted me because my placenta was totally beat up and Kyndall had been struggling for a while. I was then sent to recovery not sure how to act. Yes I was a mother now, but my baby was not with me and I had no idea what was going on.
After spending time in recovery they wheeled my bed down to the NICU so I could see Kyndall. They had to put her under an oxy-tent, but she looked amazing. Yes, she was little, but such a fighter. I went back to my room where people kept coming in and out talking about how excited they all were. I think I was just in a haze from everything. It was one of those out of body type experiences. That night I was determined to get out of bed so I could go see Kyndall the next morning. And we did. I went to every feeding which was every 4 hours for the first couple of days until I got sick again. I ended up getting a spinal headache, which was by far the worst pain I have ever had. I still went to see Kyndall and when I was with her I felt no pain just in awe of the little miracle that we had. Kyndall ended up only being on the oxy-tent less than 24 hours. She had a feeding tube down her throat due to not being able to feed by mouth cuz of her early age. I ended up staying in the hospital an extra couple of days due to the spinal causing me to be unstable. I walked down the hall numerous times a day so I could see Kyndall all that I could.
The day that I was discharged was the absolute hardest day of my life. There is no way to explain the amount of loss and pain that one experiences leaving the hospital without your child. I did my best to hold it together on the way home and then lost it once we got home. We went back to the hospital that night. The next day I began what would be my schedule as I would go to the hospital at her 9, 1, 5, and 9 feedings. I am so blessed to have such an amazing mother who drove me to the hospital when Dustin was at work.
Over the next couple of weeks, we learned how to care for Kyndall and all of her special needs. I have never prayed so much for a person to gain weight in my life! Kyndall continued to be such a fighter. Once we convinced the dr. to let her try to take a bottle she totally rocked it. We were told in the beginning to expect her to be in the hospital for 8 weeks until her due date. She was discharged 2 days shy of being there for 4 weeks.
We are now home with our amazing little girl who continues to prove everyone wrong. She is on an apnea monitor for her breathing and heart rate, but she is doing wonderfully. She has opened our eyes to so many things that we never knew about ourselves and each other. This has been by far the hardest time in our life but the most rewarding. We have grown as husband and wife as we learn to be mom and dad.
I would like to say thank you to all of you for your love and prayers. Thank you to the drs. who put me in the hospital, because we truly believe our daughter would not be here if it weren't for them.
Happy birthday
Not much bigger than daddy's hand
Bright eyes
First family pic (that I don't look stoned in!)
Dad and daughter
Mommy and daughter
On the way home
Zoe and her baby
Finally home as a family!!
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